


Half of Something Else

by Welcome_to_bobloblawslawblog



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell, the rise and fall of simon snow
Genre: Alternate Universe, College AU, Concert AU, Multi, Nonmagic AU, SnowBaz, University AU, based on The Airborne Toxic Event music, carry on au, the airborne toxic event
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7938781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welcome_to_bobloblawslawblog/pseuds/Welcome_to_bobloblawslawblog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Non-magic au: Simon and Baz are upcoming college freshman, Baz an aspiring musician and Simon a boy trying to find his place in life.  The two meet at a concert and discover they will be attending the same university.  This fic will follow them over the span of a few years as they fall in love, discover themselves, face the challenges of life, and fight to make their love work against all odds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All at Once

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever, so I would really appreciate feedback! Hopefully it turns out well :-)

**Baz**  
I push my way to the front of the crowd, the sound of the violin coursing through me and the lyrics tugging at my heartstrings.  “And I’ll defy everyone and love you still, I will carry you with me up every hill” I close my eyes and take it all in. The crowd swaying back and forth to the beat, singing along. The mix of violin, drums, guitar, and raw emotion.  
Some day, that will be me up there on that stage. Just me, my violin, my voice, and my heart. 

I’ve always enjoyed going to concerts by myself; I find it exhilarating, but also peaceful. But this time feels different… I like being alone, but not lonely. Right now, I want more than anything to have someone at my side to share this moment with me.  
Fuck this band and their ability to make me feel so many unwanted emotions.

 **Simon**  
I don’t know why I let Penny drag me along to this indie rock band concert or whatever it is. Okay, sure, the music is beautiful, but who the hell is The Airborne Toxic Event anyway? What kind of name is that? “It symbolizes how you need to live your life to the fullest, because you never know when it will be taken away from you” is what Penny says. So pretentious. Maybe it’d be more enjoyable if I actually knew the lyrics, or if I had even heard of the band before. But I guess it’s something to do before my first year at uni starts, something to keep my mind off everything. 

Penny pushes me through the crowd towards the stage, accidentally shoving me into someone. “Sorry” I mumble, trying to catch my balance I stumble some more, my hands grabbing onto the person. Because I’m a klutz.  
“Hey, watch it”  
I look up to see a sneer, cool gray eyes looking down at me behind sleek black hair. He shoves me off of him, I was probably staring a little too long. I stand up mumbling another “sorry” quickly casting my eyes away. He gives me one last glare before moving away through the crowd. 

Apparently the people who listen to this band are pretentious too.

“Did you see how that guy glared at me??” I shout to Penny over the music  
“So what?? You’re the one who smashed into him”  
“You’re the one who pushed me!”  
She shrugs, a smile on her face “You were being slow.”  
I smile at that, shaking my head, thinking of eyes that contained a storm in them.

 **Baz**  
Someone slams into me, making me stumble a bit. I see a wave of bronze curls and then I’m staring down into a pair of bright blue eyes that are full of life. He stands up only to fall right back on me.  
Probably drunk.  
“Hey, watch it” I say, shoving him off of me. I start moving away before having to catch him again, I prefer not to be around the drunk crowd at these concerts, you never know what that could result in. 

I turn back to get a better look at him once I’m closer to the side of the stage. He’s shaking his head and laughing, bronze curls falling over his face. Maybe he’s not drunk, he seems to have his wits about him. Maybe that was his attempt at flirting. Don’t be daft, of course he wasn’t flirting I tell myself. I could never be that lucky, I mean look at him. He’s beautiful. Anyway, that girl is probably his girlfriend. Maybe I should go to talk to him. That’s the point of going to concerts alone, right? To meet people? Before I know what I’m doing my feet are carrying me towards him. I don’t even know I’m going to say. “Hey, I think you’re cute, want to make out?” No, that won’t work. But I’ve always been good with words, I’ll figure something out. 

“They say follow your heart, what if your heart never knew where to go, oh why?” The music reverberates through the venue, my eyes fixed on the constellations of freckles and moles across the boy’s skin. I decide I won’t say anything when I get over there, I’ll just sing along with everyone else. But I’ll be near him, and that’s a start. 

**Simon**  
“Penny, he’s walking towards us”  
“Well this spot is the best in the whole venue”  
“No Penny, he’s staring right at me” I say it a little louder, maybe she didn’t hear me properly over the music, even if this song was pretty soft. Something about him losing someone he loved and realizing it was his fault. This music is pretty fucking depressing if you ask me. Aren’t concerts supposed to be fun?  
“What if he wants to beat me up because I fell on him earlier?”  
“Simon, calm down, just enjoy the music! The concert’s almost over anyway.”  
He has a stern look to him, he’s all sharp edges. His jaw bone. His long nose. His slanted eyes. His perfect posture. All sharp edges.  
He’s probably one of those rich kids whose daddy is paying for all his school. He dresses like it. Who wears a fancy white button up to a concert? I guess the sleeves are pushed up, and the top two buttons are hanging open exposing some of his chest, plus he is wearing black skinny jeans… but they seem expensive so he’s still pretty pretentious.  
“Simon… SIMON”  
“Huh? Oh, what?”  
“Simon I was literally said your name six times, why are you staring at him? He’s obviously not going to beat you up, he’s just listening to the music.” Penny rolls her eyes, maybe she’s blind, because that guy was staring me down with those gray eyes like I was something he wanted to kill.  
I smell the scent of cedar and bergamot, and notice that he’s made his way right next to Penny and I. He even smells like a rich person. Is that a thing? Do rich people smell a certain way? I don’t know, but if they do I’m pretty sure they would smell like cedar and bergamot. It’s a pretty nice smell actually…  
“So do you go to a lot of concerts?” I look up at the dark haired stranger, confused.  
“Who, me?”  
“Of course, who else would I be talking to?” he says with a tinge of annoyance.  
“Uhh” why is he talking to me?  
“So, do you?”  
I realize I was just staring at him and didn’t actually answer his question. Man I suck with words. I finally manage a quiet “not really” before turning back to Penny, hoping he’ll leave me alone. He makes me feel weird, I’m not sure how to explain it… uneasy?  
“That’s a shame, concerts are great way to meet people. So do you live around here?” Man he’s persistent.  
“Uh, kinda. I’ll be going to uni here. Moved in a week early.” I respond, turning back towards him.  
“You’re serious? Same here.” He smirks down at me, and I heat rise to my cheeks. I can see something behind his eyes… still making me feel like he wants to beat me up. 

**Baz**  
_Simon_  
I hear the girl with bright red hair call him that. It fits. Perfectly, actually. I finally find the guts to speak to him. I don’t know why its so hard for me, I do this all the time. Flirt with boys, that is. But there’s something different about him. The way he looks down at his feet, shoulders drooping a bit. Maybe it’s just the song. It’s probably just the song.  
God is he bad with words, he’s stumbling over them like a toddler trying to read. He’s blushing too, and it’s fucking adorable. My stomach flips when he says he’s going to school here. Who knows, maybe we’ll be roommates. I don’t let that thought go any further, I need to stop getting my hopes up. It’s a big school, maybe I’ll never even see Simon again.  
“And you say hello, hello  
please don’t ever leave, please don’t ever go” The final song comes to an end, along with the concert. Applause breaks out across the crowd; once the band exits the stage it starts to quiet down and everyone starts to make their way out. Before Simon and his friend (girlfriend? I hope not) turn to leave, I dare to grab his arm. Both of them look at me, Simon with wide and surprised eyes, the girl with a raised eyebrow.  
“Baz. My name is Baz Pitch”  
“Uh Simon. Simon Snow.”  
“Snow. It’s nice to meet you. I expect I’ll be seeing you around.” I give him one last glance before letting go of his arm and turning to leave.  
Maybe coming alone wasn’t such a bad idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is super short, but it's more of an introduction. I'm going to try to make the others longer. Thanks!


	2. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of Uni for Simon and Baz!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this isn't really how college in the UK works, I only know how it is in the US. But please enjoy angsty Baz and nervous Simon :-)

**Simon**

“You should probably head back to your dorm, you need some rest for first day of classes.”  
Penny has been hanging in my dorm basically since I moved in, but classes are tomorrow and I just really want some rest.  
“Can I just stay here? I can’t stand my roommate” she says as she climbs under my sheets. I was able to get a single dorm, so its not like she would be getting in anyone’s way, but she’s still not technically allowed to be in my dorm room.  
“C’mon Penny, you know you’re not even supposed to be in here, what if you get caught?”  
“You worry too much!” she rolls her eyes and hops out of my bed and starts to put her shoes on. “I’ll walk you to your dorm” really just any excuse to take a night walk is good for me. I love looking up and getting lost in all the stars. They make me think of how little I am compared to the vastness of the universe, and how beautiful it is that I even exist. That by some chance I am here with this life, with my best friend walking by my side. The stars make me feel like anything is possible. 

After about fifteen minutes we get to her dorm, which is actually co-ed. We tried to get the same building, but I was kind of lazy and signed up too late, giving me shitty guys only building that’s infested with cockroaches. But I got my own room so I shouldn’t be complaining.  
“Can you believe it?” Penny says pulling me back to reality.  
“Huh?”  
“We’re in college. After everything, we finally made it.”  
“Yeah, we made it” We really did. It was a long journey to get here. But we did it.  
“Well, g’night Simon, I’ll see you in Biology bright and early!”  
“Night Pen.”

I decide to take the longer way back to my dorm. Penny and I spent the last few days since the concert exploring campus, finding the best places to study out of the way of everyone else. The nighttime on campus is my favorite. Everything is calm and peaceful. All the chaos of the day finally settling down, as if it no longer matters. Occasionally there will be a group of high or drunk people, but they’re easy enough to avoid. I stroll down the sidewalk listening to the summer insects singing a peaceful chorus from the bushes, and my mind begins to wander to thoughts of stormy, mysterious eyes. I still haven’t shaken that feeling I got when that guy stared me down, and I can’t really get him off my mind. _Baz_. What an odd name. Probably another rich person thing. They name their kid something weird hoping to make them unique, then they buy them cologne to make them smell like cedar and bergamot. Like I said, pretentious.  
I haven't seen him around campus since the night of the concert and it's making me feel on edge. I keep feeling as if he’s going to step out from any corner, and everywhere I go I keep my eye out for him. I already checked the names of everyone in my hall, and he’s not one of them, which is a relief. After a few calming minutes, I’m back at my dorm; I take one last look up at the stars, and head to my room.  
Tomorrow.  
I toss and turn in my bed for a while; sleeping never comes easy, especially not with these nerves. Tomorrow I start the four most important years of my life. I’ve got no idea what lies ahead of me, I just hope its something good. Nerves threatening to tear my stomach apart, I finally drift into a restless sleep.

**Baz**

My alarm goes off at 7:30, I roll out of bed and head to the showers. I’m already thinking about trying to change roommates, this guy is fucking disgusting and I don’t think he’s showered since we moved in. I should’ve roomed with Dev and Niall, but we all know that would’ve been a fucking disaster. We’re only ‘friends’ because of our parents, we haven’t even spoken since moving in. I honestly shouldn’t be surprised.  
I get back to the room and my roommate Gareth is still sleeping. He better not be lazy too, there’s no way I’d be able to stand that. I can’t help but think what it would be like to wake up to see golden curls strewn across the pillow case on the other side of the room. I think I could live with waking up to that every morning.  
I slip on my go-to outfit: black skinny jeans, white button up, and black doc martens. Heading out to the dining hall, a take a breath of the crisp morning air. First day of uni. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment for years, and now that it’s here, I feel empty. Maybe I always had different expectations. I didn’t think I would spend my first few days on campus alone, and I always imagined I would have met the love of my life my now. Again, I need to stop thinking like that. But most importantly I thought I would be pursuing something I loved, not something my father wanted me to love. I’m here for economics so that I can follow in my parent’s footsteps, and not be a shame to the Grimm-Pitch family name. As if anyone really cares about that. But being a musician would never live up to my father’s expectations. My mother always supported my music, she even gave me violin lessons when I was younger. My father believed it was good for me to practice, but any mention of wanting a future career in music was shot down. “You can’t make a living that way Basilton.” “How will you support a wife and children when you have such an unreliable job?” Like I’m going to have a wife someday, it’s almost laughable.  
After my mother left, he hated hearing my music, I think it reminds him of her. But that’s why I love my music, it keeps her close to my heart, and makes me feel as if she never really left. Even though she’s still gone, I’m at least able to find comfort.

I spot Niall and Dev sitting at a table, and decide I’ll sit with them even though they’re arseholes because I don’t know anyone else yet. As I’m eating I look up to see a bright, crooked smile a few tables away. Simon is sitting with that red haired chick while he’s shoveling food into his mouth as if he hasn’t eaten in days. He’s an absolute mess, his hair a tangled nest of curls falling from the top of his head, his T-shirt too big and wrinkled, and food on the corner of his mouth. I smile in spite of myself; it looks like Snow and I will be seeing each other this year after all.  
“Damn, did you see that hot chick at the party last night?” Dev asks with a mouth full of food. Disgusting.  
“What party?” I swear if they went to a part and didn’t even think to invite me… Niall elbows Dev in the ribs to get him to shut up.  
“Oh um, I didn’t mean party, I meant to say walking around campus.”  
“Yeah, sure you did. Anyway, who’s this girl?” I say, deciding I won’t get too frustrated because then I really won’t have any friends here. Even if Dev and Niall kind of suck as far as friends go.  
Niall jumps in, eager to get off the topic of the party. “She’s basically the prettiest freshman on campus. Parent’s are super rich too; she’s on the equestrian team. Her names Agatha if I heard correctly. Dev here things he’s gonna be able to shag her before the semester finishes.”  
This makes me genuinely laugh, there’s no way Dev could do that. He’s just a rich pratt with no respect, and she’s probably way out of his league.  
I look at the time and starting cleaning up my place. “Gentlemen, I’ll see you after classes later.” Giving them a nod I turn away, finding myself face to face with none other than Simon Snow. He jumps, startled, and opens his mouth as if he’s trying to say something, but nothing comes out. “Cat got your tongue?” I ask, raising an eyebrow as I look down at him. He’s barely shorter than me, but I’m grateful for the three inches.  
“I was just, I was just uh… going” he stammers, looking everywhere but at me. It’s pathetic, but adorable at the same time.  
“Well then what’s stopping you?” I snap, looking into his eyes. When he still doesn’t say anything I say “Snow, did you come over here just to stare at me or did you have an actual purpose?” God I love the idea of Simon wanting to stare at me, but I can’t get my hopes up too soon. Especially when I’m being such an arse. Finally, he snaps out of whatever daze he was in and rolls his eyes. “You wish” and then he walks away. I watch him and his friend walk out before heading to my first class. 

**Simon**

Well I can’t say the first day is going too good so far. I guess my Biology professor is cool, plus Penny and I get to sit together so I can use her notes if my mind wanders in the middle of lecture, which happens a little too often. But they don’t serve sour cherry scones at the dining hall, which kind of ruined my whole day. They don’t even need to be sour cherry, they could be any type of scone, but no they don't have any. “Maybe this is good for you! Now you can start eating something nutritious for breakfast” was Penny’s argument, but we both know that’s not going to happen. I’ve got a high enough metabolism. Although Penny says my metabolism is going to crash when I get older and I’ll get super fat. But food makes me happy so what does it matter?  
“We should go find somewhere to study, do you want to go to the library?” Penny suggests  
“Pen, we’ve literally only had one class and its only syllabus day, there isn’t even anything for us to study yet” We’re just walking mindlessly around campus at the moment trying to figure out something to do before having to go our separate ways for our next classes.  
“We can always get ahead y’know, it’ll give us more time later”  
I roll my eyes and settle on a bench under a big tree, sighing deeply and running my hands over my face. Penny sits next to me, resting her elbow on her knee with her chin in her hand, looking at me. “Are you still frustrated about Baz from this morning?”  
“He’s such an arse!” I say, heat raising to my cheeks again. That seems to happen when I think of him, he just stirs something inside me.  
“Don’t let him get to you! This is a big campus I’m sure you’ll be able to avoid him easily”  
“And yet we go to breakfast at the same time, and I saw him in the science building on our way out” I say. “What if he’s following me?”  
“So _that’s_ why you suddenly stopped and pretended to be reading the bulletin board! I knew you didn’t really care about what was posted there” she says, laughing.  
“No, of course not” I look at my feet and feel my cheeks get even hotter. This makes her laugh more. “I can tell when you’re lying you idiot” she responds, playfully punching my shoulder. “C’mon, why do you hate him so much? He’s pretty handsome.”  
“What do his looks have to do with anything?” I snap. He is handsome, which isn’t fair because he’s probably good at everything else he does. “And I don’t hate him, I just don’t like the way he acts like he’s superior to me just because he’s a rich prat”. Shaking her head, Penny looks at the time. “10:45, we should probably head to our next classes. Meet you for lunch?”  
“Yeah, I’m not sure how I’ll get through this class without my note-taker though” I say with a smile.  
“You’ll survive” she says, giving me a quick hug. 

I head to the language arts building, I honestly have no clue what room this class is in, or even which side of the building. Penny told me I should find all my classrooms beforehand, but of course I didn’t do it. I should probably listen to her, she’s usually right. Actually, Penny’s always right.  
With five minutes to spare I finally find the classroom and take a seat somewhere in the middle where I have a good view of the professor but can also see who comes in.  
Fuck.  
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.  
Baz walks in, the sleeves of his white button up shirt rolled to his elbows and hair slicked back gracefully. He scans the room and his cool stare settles on me. I feel a shiver run up my spine and I quickly look away. I hear him take a seat almost directly behind me, but I don’t want to turn to look.  
I can hardly focus during the lecture, I can feel Baz’s stare piercing right through me. How does that happen? How can I literally feel his gaze on me? I don’t even know why he’s staring at me, or why he went out of his way to sit behind me. He probably just wants to torture me. So that I fail English. I already suck at English, words and I don’t really get along. Hence why I’m majoring in ecology. But with his stormy eyes shooting right through the back of my head, I really don’t think I can pay attention to my professor. I need Penny here to take notes for me. 

At the end of class I try to pack up my books quickly in order to avoid Baz, but to no avail.  
“Fancy seeing you here, Snow” he already has his books packed up, bag hanging of one of his shoulders, pulling his shirt to the side exposing his right collar bone. I swallow and try to think of something witty to say. But again, words and I aren’t really friends so I just end up saying some dumb shit. “Well English is a general ed so it’s not really surprising” I start to walk away. Such a fucking dumb thing to say. Of course he starts walking along side me in his row. “So what do you think of the first essay we have to write?” Crap. Essay? I didn’t hear her say anything about an essay. Well, I guess I didn’t really here anything she said. “What essay?” I ask.  
“You’re kidding me right?” he says, a tinge of amusement in his voice. When I don’t say anything he raises his eyebrow. “You’re serious. She literally just told us about it. Wow.” He shakes his head letting out a breathy laugh. “Well you’re going to do great this semester”.  
He says it with such a mocking tone that makes my head hot. What a fucking prat. 

I meet Penny for lunch at the dining hall, thankful that Baz didn't follow me here.  
"How was English class?"  
"Absolutely horrible, Baz sits right behind me. Looks like I _won't_ be able to avoid him." I say taking a large bite of a ham sandwich. They might not have scones, but the food is fucking delicious.  
"So what? Just ignore him" she says. I wish I could. But he's barely left my mind since the concert. Fuck him and his perfect hair. 

**Baz**

Why am I such a fucking arse? Why did I go out of my way to embarrass him? Of course he doesn’t know about the assignment, she didn’t even mention it, I just looked at the schedule.  
_Its because you know you can’t have him_ I tell myself. That’s got to be it.  
I should’ve explained the assignment to him.  
Ask if he wanted help with it.  
Suggest that we work on it together.  
I wanted to. But of course I didn’t. Because why try to be nice when I know it won’t do me any good? It will only make me burn. So I’ll keep my feelings hidden like he’s a dark secret. I’ll cover it up and pretend to hate him. And we’ll just keep being strangers. Because I could never have Simon Snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short too, they seem so much longer in microsoft word... I'll try to make the next ones longer! Please feel free to give me writing tips, ideas, or criticism! Thanks guys :-)


	3. The Thing About Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update! I've been trying to get college applications out of the way with, but haven't made too much progress. Enjoy!

**Baz**

I jolt awake, sweat matting my hair to my forehead and my palms clammy, yet I can’t stop shivering. _It’s not your fault it’s not your fault_ I tell myself over an over, squeezing my eyes shut and rubbing them with the heels of my hands, trying to get her voice out of my head. I sit up, taking a few deep breaths and look at the clock. 4:25 am. There’s no way I’ll fall back to sleep. I never can after those dreams.  
They always start off so peaceful… It feels like everything is okay again, just like it was before the accident. And then she turns around in the front seat to face me, with her beautiful smile, and her soft eyes. I always wished I had gotten her eyes rather than my father’s. Full of love rather than hate and pain. Full of life, bright green and shining, rather than a dull gray haze. At this point my heart feels ready to burst. She’s back with me. We’re happy.  
But then… then comes the headlights and the screaming and she’s laying there, and everyone is shouting, but all I can hear is her whisper. “You did this to me. This is your fault.”  
I’ve had this nightmare so many times it almost feels as if I really was there when it happened. 

I slowly roll out of bed and head out of the dorm, not even bothering to slide on a pair of shoes. I just need some fresh air. I just need to clear my mind. My eyes feel swollen from tears and my throat scratchy as I start mindlessly walking around campus. I look up, lost in the stars. They always calm me down when I get like this. They make me feel as if there’s something more out there. That even though my life isn’t even close to perfect, there’s still a chance for something good. Even if it’s not to me, just the knowledge that other’s will have a chance to have a happiness I may never know makes me feel better. The stars make anything possible. They let me travel through time, back to when life was simple. They provide endless opportunities. Never ending.  
My mind wanders to thoughts of my future. I like to imagine traveling the world, going on tour and performing in front of hundreds. And when I return home, I open the door to see the love of my life waiting for me. This time he as golden hair and blue eyes.  
But that can never happen. I’ve always known I’ll have to do something to make my family proud, and that would not include being a musician, let alone having a husband instead of a wife. My father tries to ignore the fact that I’m queer; he knows of course, but that doesn’t stop him from denying it and trying to set me up with every single daughter of any rich family he knows. Because that will be good for our family name. Because apparently that’s what’s most important in this life.  
I need to get this off my mind, because it really isn’t making me feel any better. I look back up at the stars, taking a deep breath I close my eyes and try to clear my mind, right before smashing into something. Or rather, someone.  
“Snow??” I say, startled. Of course he fell backwards. But its 5 am so I don’t really feel like being a prick at the moment so I put my hand out to help him up. He glares at me, ignoring my hand and getting up on his own. He’s wearing a soft gray t-shirt and plaid pajamas similar to mine.  
“W-what are you doing out so early?” He murmurs sleepily.  
“I could ask you the same thing” I responded, quickly gaining my composure from the collision and glancing down at him.  
“Oh, um” he scratches the back of his head, embarrassed. “I couldn’t sleep.” He looks down to his feet, color raising to his cheeks. “But actually I was just heading ba-  
“I couldn’t sleep either” I cut him off. At that he pauses, looking at me with something different behind his eyes. Something other than hate? Comfort? I guess that’s what happens when every word that comes out of my mouth isn’t rude. Without another word, we walk silently side by side. Although the night is cool, I feel suddenly warmer with Simon walking next to me. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he looks up at the stars. His skin is almost silver in the moonlight, the moles and freckles mapped across his skin just as beautiful as the constellations he’s looking at in the sky.  
After some time we silently agree to sit down on a bench beneath a large oak tree in a hidden part of campus I haven’t explored yet. Minutes pass in comfortable silence, only the sound of summer insects, the rustling of leaves in the breeze, and the steady breath of Simon Snow. Simon clears his throat awkwardly, breaking the stillness.  
“What’s keeping you up?” he asks, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. I take a moment to respond, sifting through my thoughts.  
“Dreams.”  
He nods, as if he understands because he’s up for the same reason.  
As the first light of dawn breaks the darkness and the stars begin to fade, Simon’s eyelids seem to grow heavy until finally they shut. His breathing becomes even and he leans against me. I tense up, not wanting to move in fear of waking him. He looks so peaceful. So beautiful. The warm light from the rising sun spreads across him, making him golden. Golden skin. Golden hair. Golden boy.  
Two weeks into classes and the only exchanges between Simon Snow and I have been snarky comments and rude glares. And here he is, sleeping on my shoulder as the sun rises. Of course it doesn’t mean anything. But might it mean that something between us has changed? Maybe he doesn’t actually hate me? Might we go somewhere else from here? No. No of course not. He might have been sleep walking, he might have been too delirious to even realize it was me. Thoughts race through my head as I try to figure out what happened, and why we both let our walls down. Two weeks into classes and the two of us have only been rude to each other, but this is the most peaceful I’ve felt since arriving here. 

 

**Simon**

The chirping of birds slowly brings me to my senses, and I slowly become aware of someone’s shoulder beneath my head. Confused, I slowly open my eyes, remembering earlier this morning. I peek up through my eyelashes to see Baz, chin against his chest, and his eyes softly closed. His long hair actually looks messy for once, but I can’t help but to think how soft it looks. I feel my stomach growl and decide not to linger on the bench. I slowly sit up to avoid waking him, and take a moment to appreciate the calmness. He’s right there sleeping, so vulnerable; nothing like the Baz I see almost every day. I turn to head towards my dorm for a bowl of cereal, feeling slightly bad about leaving Baz on the bench by himself, but I would feel even worse waking him up. Besides, how do you go from “I hate you and you hate me” to “I fell asleep on your shoulder and you didn’t mind”? Are we friends now or something? It was probably because he was tired. People aren’t really themselves at four in the morning. Or maybe people just don’t care at four in the morning, so they are just the truest version of themselves? I don’t fucking know, all I know is that was kind of weird. Weird because for some reason, I felt so comfortable. At home. All Baz has done these past two weeks is try to make my college experience as horrible as possible, but last night he showed me a different side of himself. He was almost… compassionate. I was almost convinced the only feelings Baz was capable of were hate, disgust, and selfishness. I guess not.  
I mean, he’s still a prat, obviously. It’s not like anything has changed. And it’s not like it even matters. 

I’m sitting on my bed eating cereal when I hear someone try to open the door before knocking. I get up and head to the door, confused. I’ve barely opened the door before Penny barges in, eyebrows furrowed.  
“What happened to meeting me at the coffee shop for breakfast??”  
“Shit. Penny I’m sorry, I barely slept at all last night and it just slipped my mind.” God I feel horrible. But 7 am is too early to meet for breakfast on a weekend anyway. She sighs and slips her shoes off before sitting on my bed. “Micah and I are fighting” she says, falling. I sit next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
“Well it’s stupid really, he wants to transfer here from America, but I want him to do what’s best for him, not for me. His parents don’t want him to come so they would stop helping him with tuition, which means he would have to take out student loans which I think he would regret. I would feel absolutely horrible if he did that just for me.  
He says I’m being too controlling, and that he can make his own choices. I just want him to make the right ones.”  
I sigh. “Penny, you realize that he wouldn’t being doing this just for you. He loves you, so being here with you would make him happy. That’s what love is. Doing whatever it takes to be together.” I try to imagine someone loving me that much, and how it must feel. Being in love, that is.  
Penny smiles and leans into my shoulder. “You’re right. I guess I’ll give him a call and apologize. You’re not usually right, but I think this time you might be.” She says with a slight giggle. I give her a playful shove and shake my head with a breathy laugh. I’m still thinking about last night, and how comfortable I felt. I felt almost whole, like a missing piece had been found. But why?  
“So what kept you up last night?” Penny asks, pulling me from my thoughts.  
“Oh, um, you know. The usual.”  
She nods. “You should’ve come to my dorm.”  
“Uh, actually I had been heading over but-  
I stop, replaying last night in my head. Why did I stop walking to her dorm to walk with Baz instead? Baz Pitch, of all people.  
“But what?” she asks, looking at me with an arched eyebrow.  
“Um, I ran into Baz on my way there.”  
“And why would that stop you from coming over? He didn’t… do something to you, did he?”  
“Wha- no! We kind of just… walked together for a bit. It was really weird.” I decide to leave out the part about me falling asleep on his shoulder, I don’t really know how to explain that, or why it even happened. I was just exhausted. That’s it.  
“I thought you guys hated each other?”  
“I mean, I’m sure we still do. It was five in the morning I don’t think either of us were in the mood for any of that though.”  
“I guess” she says with a shrug. “Oh! Did I tell you he lives in my building? I see him leaving the second floor all the time.”  
I look at her surprised, “Why didn’t you tell me that??”  
She shrugs again “I didn’t think it mattered.” Of course it does. I’m not really sure why, but it does.

Now that I’ve been at school for two weeks my parents have started bugging me about getting a job. I suppose I should; I could use the extra cash. So Penny and I are dedicating this weekend to job applications. I think I’d like to work at the coffee shop. It doesn’t seem like you have to do much, so I’ll probably have time to study. Penny is applying for a job at a bookstore, which would be perfect for her. And what’s even better is that they’re both right across the street from each other. Penny didn’t want to apply for the same job because she says that I wouldn’t focus and would probably get fired if we were together, but I know it’s because she knows she would be the one to get hired instead of me and then she would feel bad. She helped me with my application so I’m pretty sure I’ll get hired. 

We get downtown around 11:30 and go our separate ways, she heads to the bookstore and I head to the coffee shop. The scent of freshly baked goods reach me as soon as I open the door. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I step into the shop. The girl behind the counter smiles at me, straight blonde hair framing her face perfectly.  
“What can I get for you today?” she asks, her soft brown eyes meeting my gaze.  
“Um, I’m here to put in a job application” I say, standing a little taller.  
“Oh how great! We’re running short on baristas. Have you ever worked at a coffee shop before?”  
“Uh no I haven’t..”  
“That’s perfectly fine, we’ll get you the training you need, I’ll just talk to my manager and get back to you tomorrow.” She smiles again. “Oh! And my name is Agatha” she puts her hand out.  
“I’m Simon” I say, grabbing her hand and shaking it. I turn to leave before turning back around. “Oh, one more thing”  
She looks up at me, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Yeah?”  
“I’ll take one of those sour cherry scones before I go.”  
Her face falls a little before she turns to get it.  
I thank her and start to leave, anxious for the first bite. 

Man it’s been so long since I had one of these things. I take a bite, closing my eyes to enjoy the buttery warmth. My scone in one hand, I reach to push the door open before bumping into someone who I apparently hadn’t seen, because I was admiring my food. I watch in horror as my scone falls, and reach down to pick up before looking to see who I ran into.  
“We really need to stop meeting like this, Snow. You should watch where you’re walking for once”  
I look up to see no other than Baz Pitch standing in front of me. My heart stammers and my voice is caught in my throat. He just surprised me, that’s all.  
“Baz- wha- what are you doing here?” I manage to stammer.  
“What am I doing at a coffee shop? Hm, I don’t know. Maybe buying some fucking coffee?”  
“And a scone” I mumble.  
“And why would I do that?”  
“Because you made me drop mine!”  
He rolls his eyes and then glares down at me. “I didn’t make you do anything, Snow. You dropped that thing yourself.” He pushes past me and walks to the counter, crossing one foot over the other he leans on the counter with one elbow. I watch as he says something to Agatha, making her blush. He pushes his sleek black hair out of his face with the other hand and gives me one last glance before I let out a frustrated sigh and leave. I’m still going to eat my fucking scone and I’m going to fucking enjoy it. I head over to the bookstore to see if Penny is ready to go. I probably should’ve gotten her something as well now that I think of it. She comes out of the door with a bright smile on her face. “They hired me on the spot!” she announces, beaming.  
“Of course they did!” I firmly believe Penny belongs in a bookstore, anyone can see it.  
“What’s got you all flustered? Did you not get the job?” Penny asks, a touch of concern in her voice.  
“What? No, I’m fine” I respond, avoiding her gaze.  
“C’mon Simon, your face is super red and you’re not even looking at me in the eyes. What’s going on.”  
“I uh, I dropped my scone.”  
Penny bursts out laughing giving me a playful shove as we walk balk to our dorms. But I know that’s not the real reason (although I am still upset about dropping my scone). I just can’t get the image of Baz flirting with Agatha out of my head. I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. I don’t even know her. He just looked so… cool standing there. With his skinny jeans, doc martens, and band t-shirt. I think it’s the band from the concert but I didn’t get a good look at it. He could probably get any girl he wanted looking like that. 

**Baz**

Simon Snow is invading every aspect of my life. He’s at the dining hall most mornings, we share two classes, he shows up in my dreams (the good ones), he’s even invaded my nightly walks. And now he’s coming to my favorite coffee shop? God, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to handle this before doing something stupid. If I had moved an inch in that coffee shop our noses would’ve been touching, I felt like I was burning from the inside out. I guess the best I can do it just keep pissing him off, that at least makes it a little easier to deal with.  
But after last night I’m really not so sure. It made me think that maybe, just maybe, we could be something else. Maybe not friends, just not hating each other anymore. Maybe I shouldn’t flirt with girls he probably has a crush on then. And maybe I just shouldn’t be such an arse. 

I sit down in my usual seat by the window and pull out my calculus textbook. I would have to say the coffee shop is my favorite place I’ve found since coming here. They have fairy lights around the windows, comfortable couches, and local artist’s paintings on the walls. The music is great too; I’ve heard The Airborne Toxic Event play a few times which always makes my day better. Not to mention their drinks are fucking delicious. Agatha told me they’re going to start making their Pumpkin Mocha Breve’s in two weeks; I tried to see if my flirting could get her to make it for me earlier, but it didn’t work. For a second I stare out the window, warm mug in my hands, and imagine how nice it would be to have someone to share these moments with. I close my eyes, listening to the music. 

_“There are no rules when you’re falling in love, you just take what you get and you hope it’s enough”_

I sigh, turning back to my textbook. I try to focus, but my mind keeps drifting to thoughts of bronze curls falling over my shoulder, and sleepy blues eyes slowly shutting. 

_“We were wrong from the start_  
_with our broken arms_  
_you played your role_  
_I played my part”_

I run my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my face and sigh.  
I don’t know why I can’t get him off my mind. It’s not like we even know one another, we’ve never even had a real conversation before. But it’s the way he laughs at something Penny said. The way he gets crumbs all over his face at breakfast. The way his eyebrows furrow when he’s confused in class. The way he stutters and stammers, struggling to form words while his cheeks grow red. And now I’ve seen him sleep, which makes me want to die a little more. I’ve gotta get him off my mind.  
I snap my text book shut and quickly stand up, making Agatha look up in surprise. Giving her a quick nod, I leave the coffee shop.  
On my way back to my room I get a text from Dev.  
_“big party tonight. 10 o’clock. Every1 will b their”_  
I can’t stand Dev and his horrible grammar. I also really don’t have much of a desire to go to a party with a bunch of immature freshman, but I guess I don’t have anything else to do. Also if everyone will be there, maybe that means I’ll see Simon.  
_“I’ll be there”_

I arrive for the party a little bit before 11. I didn’t change, wearing the same clothes from earlier; my black Airborne Toxic Event t-shirt I got from the concert, my black skinny jeans, and my Doc Martens. I don’t even know whose apartment this is, but it’s definitely too small for the amount of people in here. Crappy music blares and the scent of alcohol fills the living room. Some people are dancing, others leaning in close and shouting over the music, drinks in hand. Dev comes up to me and hands me a drink, I shake my head, refusing it. He shrugs and takes a few gulps of it before throwing an arm over my shoulder. I wrinkle my nose at the alcohol on his breath.  
“Tonight’s the night!” he announces to me a little too loudly.  
“The night for…?” I raise an eyebrow at him. That’s when Niall pops out of the crowd, chiming in. “The night he thinks he’ll be able to shag Agatha Wellbelove!”  
I laugh, shaking my head. “Good luck with that, mate” I say, shrugging his arm off of my shoulder. “Is she here?” I ask.  
“Yeah man, right over there, but some other dude is chatting her up, so Dev may have lost his chance for tonight.”  
“Like he even had a chance in the first place” I reply, looking over to where Niall nodded towards.  
My heart clenches, before dropping to my stomach.  
Simon is leaning against the wall, standing close to Agatha, a smile on his face and cheeks pink behind his freckles. Agatha keeps pushing her hair out of her face, flirtatiously smiling up at him.  
“You know what” I say, not taking my eyes off the two of them “I think I’ll take that drink.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not quite as long as I've been hoping for... it seems so much longer on microsoft word! Also I just felt bad about going so long without updating. Tips and criticism welcome :-)


End file.
